I am really sick of being fat.

I rejoined Weight Watchers (yet again) last week, but was not able to stop binging and stress eating this week.



But I am not giving in.

Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, NEVER give in!

You know, I think a fat person said that.

Last week was so depressing that I couldn't even put my chart on. I had gained .6 lb. I had worked hard to get my diet sweater to the point where I needed the next ball of yarn, so it was upsetting to go home without it. I did finish two socks while I couldn't work on it.

But yesterday went better. I had lot 1.2 lbs so I got the much-needed ball of yarn and stayed up until after midnight trying to make up for lost time.



Of course the other depressing thing is that after losing 11 lbs I weigh about what I did when I started Weight Watchers four years ago. In other words, I am at my former heaviest ever. In other other words, I now have a new heaviest ever and it is upsetting. My pants from last fall don't fit, so I can't wear my orange pants on Halloween; although it is ten days away. If I starve like crazy maybe I can lose 5 lbs in ten days.

Previously when I've had a diet sweater, I stopped working on it because I was finishing the sweater faster than I was losing weight. I can't do that this time. Some of the yarn for that other diet sweater disappeared, and I can't afford to have that keep happening. But the sweaters will fit eventually if I stick with it.

My current goal is to write down everything that passes my lips even if it's really really inappropriate. It sort of makes me put on the brakes. Also, if I try to get in all my "required" foods such as the fruits and vegetables, milk, etc. early in the day at least I'm filling up on healthier stuff. The next step I need to work on is having actual planned meals ready. It's hard to lose weight living off pot pies.

It's a miracle.



The pink star means I've lost 10 lbs total now.

I have no clue how I managed to lose weight. I can't even tell you all the junk I've eaten for the last two weeks. In the car on the way to and from Portland I had every imagineable variety of junk food, including a Twinkie and several bags of Fritos. While in Portland I had chocolates every day, and a huge hot fudge sundae. When I got back I even bought a box of Mrs. Cavenaugh's and ate them all in about three days.

I guess I owe it all to Trusty. It's those Really Long Walks doing it.

A very bad, horrible awful week has ended.



You think this is flat-line, don't you. Well, it isn't. I lost .4 lb.

Hey, four-tenths of a pound lost is four-tenths of a pound LOST.

I had a very bad week and felt stressed out and bought a pint of cream and had it on peaches with sugar and raspberries with sugar and oatmeal with SUGAR. And I bought miniature peanut butter cups and ate some. And I ordered a macho beef burrito and a spicy jack quesadilla at Del Taco and ate them both (except I gave part of the burrito to Trusty). Yes, you could say I had a bad week.

But I lost four-tenths of a pound. I had to take my shoes off to do it. But at least I didn't gain it.

Not doing so well today. Cream.

A quick review of The Diet Sweater program:

1. I buy yarn for a sweater (or two) that I really love but which I would look silly in at my current weight.

2. I choose yarn that I can't just run out and buy locally; Rowan worked because none of the local stores had all the yarn I wanted for the two sweaters.

3. I take the yarn to my Weight Watchers class and leave it with my leader.

4. She gives me one ball of yarn if a) I show up for class and b) I have lost weight.

I think this will work



In her book, Animals in Translation, animal psychologist Temple Grandin states that the same part of the brain is stimulated in people using opiates as that stimulated by animals and people experiencing the feeling of anticipation. So a puppy who knows his supper dish is on the way is experiencing the best part of his day. And I think this also means that a knitter who knows that there is a ball of truly desireable yarn waiting for her at the Weight Watchers class if she has lost weight is having a pretty positive experience as well.


I think this will work. Already I've gone to bed with 9 points left because feeling a little hungry and knowing that hunger was sucking the life out of fat cells made me feel so good. I've sent away all the Fudgy Brownies except for two. I've even driven past Taco Time without stopping for cheddar fries. And I've walked the dog the whole half hour, even when he pooped in the first ten minutes.

Can I keep it up? Probably only if I keep up on the knitting. What a good excuse to knit. As if I need one!

Do you see this large person with the sock? This is me. I was too embarrassed about how I look to post my picture on my blog. Something must be done!

I have been doing Weight Watchers on and off unsuccessfully because I never go and I never do the stuff. Only since I took this picture I have been galvanized into action. I have lost weight steadily since I rejoined WW in June of this year, but only started going regularly a month ago. I have lost weight every time even if only a little bit.

The red star is where I passed the 5 lb. mark.

I decided that I would buy the yarn for two sweaters from Rowan and get a ball of yearn each time I go to Weight Watchers and lose weight.

Lorelei

Rustic



Most of the yarn has come. I'm just waiting for the contrast colors for Rustic to come from English Yarns. I've lost weight four weeks in a row, so when the four balls come from English Yarns I'll keep those, and just park the main color at Weight Watchers with Anette. I bought some cute bags from KnitPicks to put the yarn in.

I'm assuming I'll lose weight again next week and be able to keep a ball of the solid color to start on. It may not get me past the ribbing, but I thought it would be smart to have the contrasts and work on something exciting.

By the time I get to the sleeves, which are solid, I may not be quite so enthusiastic, but the sweater will be in the home stretch and that might keep me moving. Plus I like the Lorelei sweater better, so I'm hoping that looking forward to starting it will keep me motivated as well.